Just another reason

Come Thanks Giving (2010), I was planning on going with my mother for the holiday. I guess I hadn't learned my lesson yet. Well I live in a smaller town of 2000+ and the city was 20 minutes/30 miles away. I was ready and my dad and his girlfriend were ready to leave for their own Thanks Giving. The place where they were going and the place I was going was not even 15 minutes away. (in Minnesota, we go by minutes instead of miles) My mom called and asked if I was ready. I was. Then she said it would be another 2 hours before she got to my house. Knowing my mom, it would be more like 2 and a half hours. So I asked if I could just go with my dad and have her pick me up. At first she was making it seem like it was okay. Then she went on to saying it was across town and a 40 minute drive. That the place she was going was in another city. It was not. She said what ever and if I went with my dad, she was not going to come and get me. I was getting angry at this point and decided that if I went with her, we would only get into a fight. So I went with my father. Everything was fine until she called me that night.
She called me names again. Could I think on my own? My father was a bad man. My mom was the victim. Did I have emotions? I should start doing things on my own. Get into reality. Heartless bitch. I don't care how she feels. I don't care. Do I think about other peoples feelings? My dads fault. Exactly liker your father. Cold hearted person. I don't care that my grandmother died. Do you have a heart? She was glade to see me cry at my grandmothers funeral "oh my god my daughter has a heart! She had feelings!"  Do you have a heart? Do you have a heart? Do you have a heart? "I don't think so".
She said all those things and I didn't want to listen. My dad told me to hang up, so I did. I cried so hard I was dry heaving. It hurt my head and stomach. This was all just another reason to add to the list....

Later on and still holding on

So I've lived at my fathers house house for a while at that point. It was nearing Halloween (2010) and my grandmother was sick and dying. My mother kept prying that I go and see her before she passes and I would refuse. My grandma was never a big part of my life and my mother used to always tell me the awful things she did to her. Like say she wished my mother was never born, chase her around with a knife and tell her she should die. My grandmother would tell my mom her was awful and call her bad names. I always felt sad when my mother said these things and I disliked my grandma but when ever I saw them together, they acted like regular mother and daughter. Maybe it was old age that had calmed my grandma down, but I never saw these things in her.
This was way I didn't want to see her and I had to catch up on my failing grades in school. As it was, on October 13, I was getting ready to head out with a friend of mine, Brendan. He wanted advice because of his girlfriend, my other friend, Christine. My mother called me before I was about to leave and told me that my grandma had passed on. I was not phased like I wish I should have been, and went to meet Brendan.
Another story goes on with the Brendan, Christine, and me, but that's another day....
I wasn't until the funeral that I cried. I was one of the Pallbearers and my mom looked at me with her red eyes from crying and said "I'm glade to see you have emotions" and left. I was shocked and hurt. Again.


~until another time...